From the Journal of the Colorado Dental Association Autumn 2024
By Delvina Miremadi, Ed.M., Ph.D.
At work and outside of work, you are going to encounter difficult people. The better you know how to communicate with them, the smoother your time together will be. Follow the pointers below to better learn how to connect with difficult personality types.
Types of Difficult People
Silent types are people who don’t say much. They tend to offer minimal opinions and usually provide yes and no answers. Below are some tips to help draw a silent type out of his/her shell.
- Ask questions that require the silent type to elaborate.
- Encourage them to express themselves. Talk about topics that you know they are interested in.
- Wait until the silent type speaks up. Be silent until they do.
Self-appointed experts act like they know everything there is to know. They may think they have all the answers and may downplay everyone else’s ideas. Below are some tips to help deal with a self-appointed expert:
- Do your homework. Compile facts before you deal with this type.
- Avoid confrontation. Try to steer the conversation to wherever is most beneficial.
- Ask them questions. By seeking them out for answers, you’ll be more likely to win them over.
Threateners bully others. They use words and actions to belittle others and to get what they want. Below are some tips to help you navigate a conversation when you encounter a threatener:
- Be formal and professional. Don’t play his/her game; instead, stick to what you know is of the right way to treat another person.
- Don’t respond to their threats. Instead, move on to other points.
Dealing with an Angry Type
If someone becomes angry with you, try to limit conversation until the situation calms down. When it does, ask the person questions and show your concern; try inquiring about what you can do to help or what the person thinks would make the situation better.
Don’t draw judgment of the angry person. Instead, draw facts rather than opinions. Think about why the person is angry and what factors caused the anger to arise. See if there is anything you can do to alleviate the situation.
Sometimes you will have to say “no” to difficult and angry types. When saying no:
- Try to make it as positive as possible. Say something like, “It’s really unfortunate that we can’t…”
- Sandwich the “no” around positive or neutral statements. Try to add some light to the situation.
- Give alternatives that would be acceptable, and explain why the proposed suggestion deserves a “no.”
- Try to identify with the person you are saying “no” to. Put yourself in his/her shoes and see if you can help the person further.
Tips for Dealing with Difficult Types
Whether you are dealing with a silent type, self-appointed expert, threatener, or other difficult type, follow these general tips to learn some other ways you can communicate with a frustrating personality:
- Focus on the good. Find something they are doing right.
- Ask them about something that they have accomplished. What have they done that’s been successful? Ask them to elaborate on it.
- Customize your approach to the person. Some people require a quieter approach, others respond to more of a headstrong one.
- Don’t antagonize the person and try to have conversations where you don’t criticize the person. If you need to offer constructive criticism, do it gently, when you have the facts. Afterward, add in something that the person is doing right.
- Be a good listener. Really listen to the person, even if he/she is irritating.
- Avoid being judgmental and try to stay objective.
- Practice the discussion ahead of time. Think about what the person may object to and consider your responses.
- See if you are doing anything wrong. Analyze your attitude and behavior toward the person. Is it fair?
- Don’t be too emotional when dealing with the person.
- After you try some of these tips, see if there is any improvement in how you deal with difficult people. Learn from your mistakes and acknowledge your progress.
© 2024 Written by Life Advantages
Delvina Miremadi, Ed.M., Ph.D., Psychologist, Research Director, Educator, Speaker, Coach/Trainer
As a CDA member you have access to many benefits to promote your well-being including free and confidential counseling at minesandassociaties.com or you can call them at 800-873-7138 24/7. Use code codental.
